January 04, 2006

Precisely why I don't have a Netflix subscription.

I need to start watching my Netflix movies in a more timely manner. When Netflix reports its quarterly earnings to their investors, my picture is on the cover of the little folder. "Thank you, Laurie Notaro, our Netflix Customer of the Year," I quote, "for renting a copy of Spanglish since April and not returning it even after you saw Spanglish on HBO in October. $17.95 times seven for absolutely nothing looks great on our accounts receivable page. Unless you're a corpse who's been lying on the kitchen floor, decomposing for several seasons and unable to slip the movie into its pre-sealed envelope and mail it back with unprecedented ease, we appreciate your business. You are the best customer EVER, not counting people who have been suddenly incarcerated under the Patriot Act or have slipped into comas."

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