Today's Mensa candidate.

(via The Smoking Gun)

JULY 14--Meet Michael Matakaetis. The 23-year-old Florida man was arrested last week after cops pulled him over for suspicion of drunk driving. Matakaetis, who had an open bottle of Captain Morgan Rum in his Lexus, apparently realized he was plastered and would be headed to the slammer. So, according to this Martin County Sheriff's report, Matakaetis decided to try and bribe his way out of the can. But instead of cash, Matakaetis actually offered the cop a stack of Dunkin' Donuts coupons. He noted, without irony, "You can have these if you just let me park the car and I'll walk home."

Read the whole stupid story here.